Hey look buddy, I'm a chef. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is food?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally 1 star yelp review? The answer, use good food, and if that don't work... Use more food. Take for instance this double frosted chocolate cake mounted lil' old number designed by me, baked by me, and you best hope... You've got room for afters.